The last time I had sex was on Friday, October the 27th 2016.  I was home alone and  I invited one of my playmates for a bootycall. At that point I had 8 playmates, because a girl can never know which man is unavailable when the need arises. That morning, after dropping his wife off at work, playmate 4 arrived.

A few weeks prior to this encounter I had told him that I wanted to have sex while sober, and so I was sober for our bootycall.  Our session ended without me cumming, again. In case you believe that women are supposed to be emotionally attached to a man to have fulfilling sex, it’s not true in my case. I was married and madly in love with the father of my children for 14 years and still I hated having sex with him. This is why alcohol became a prerequisite to us making love. I went through years of only engaging in sex with my husband after a couple of drinks, meaning I had never had sex sober. I was using alcohol to cope with having sex with the man that I loved. What is wrong with that picture?

Before you start laying blame on the man that I was fucking back then, hear me…for two years I had 8 different sexual partners. This is 8 different backgrounds, penis sizes, approaches, and so on.  Yes, they were ALL my sexual partners during the same period, meaning I have a broad base of comparison, so I know what I’m on about here, this whole argument of fucking the wrong nigger falls flat where I am concerned. It was the actual sex. The act thereof. The way that it was (and still is) being engaged in. It’s the whole notion of sex being “given up” by the woman and “taken” by the man. Each of those men came into my being to TAKE and because I was sober, I was present for it, I could feel this “taking” and it left me feeling barren. I love sex, to this day, I love sex. I have just decided to have sex with myself because I feel that the men miss the whole point of sex. It seems to be about getting something from me, instead of giving me something to cultivate, nurture and give birth to. This is what my body is designed for, to receive and then to nurture and give birth to. I wasn’t aware of this before, and I engaged in sex with the same intention that men had sex with me for…to take. I am over that stage. I am quite comfortable engaging sexually with myself until such a time that I meet someone who is awake to the reality that the way that men and women engage in sex is fucked and we need to reevaluate, redefine and rework it until we reach a point where it is mutually enjoyable and beneficial.
Before you judge me, or while you judge me, I want you to take an honest look at your sex life as a heterosexual woman and tell me if you are as satisfied sexually as your sexual partner(s). Be honest.
If you aren’t, know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not enjoying sex as much as your partner does because as things stand, sex is not designed with the intention of fully pleasuring the male and the female equally. Sex as it is done in our society takes from the woman and gives to the man, and this model no longer serves me.

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