I went to an all girls high school, there were plenty of  sex discussions and jokes doing the rounds. I had my own ideas of what sex would be like, mainly from reading Mills and Boon. From my friends who were sexually active, I had already decided that I would wait a while because I perceived it as something extremely special.

A while became a long while, and I only had my first sexual encounter at 27, which didn’t include intercourse. It was only fingers and oral, because that’s what I was comfortable with. That was the only day I orgasmed, ever. I even ejaculated, which has never happened since. When it happened I thought to myself, what a beautiful life I’m going to have. I’ve somehow since told myself that it must have been the excitement I had built up in my head.  By then I had turned down many opportunities because most people really said it’s overrated. So in my mind, the longer I waited, the less disappointment I would have. My high school ideals had also not completely disappeared, so I figured the longer I wait, the closer I get to my husband who would be the ultimate sexual partner.

I’ve now been married for almost 3 years. My husband and I dated for just over a year before getting married. I suggested us playing around more with no expectation that we will end up at intercourse, just to see if we could achieve better results for me. This was probably after about 6 months into the relationship, because remember mos I’d already decided I’ve met my partner for life, that guy who’s supposed to be my ultimate sexual partner. He really didn’t get what the point of that would be. I tried to get him to give me massages, not because my back is sore or my feet are sore, but really just so we could play around. Still doesn’t see the point of a massage if I have no issues, a massage is to sort out a sore back or such. So the struggle continues for me, but I lose no hope because he’s a great man in all other respects. We have our whole lives to figure this out and I’m sure we will.


Published by: Kagiso Msimango

Cheerleader & Liberator of Women Writer Speaker Mother Lactivist Personal Transformation and Development Coach Author of The Goddess Bootcamp, The Goddess Mojo Bootcamp

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