My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years now. He is my 1st real love, My 1st everything. He’s a good man, and an open minded person, always open to new suggestions and improvements in the sex department and in our relationship overall.

I used to enjoy our sex, but since late in 2015 I struggle to get wet and aroused. The foreplay can go on and on forever, to no avail. Sex has become  such a chore and duty, it’s as if I must do it to keep the peace. I want to cuddle and kiss my lover  without ending up being thrusted. I find myself rolling my eyes when he’s on top of me. When I’m not in the mood he says irritating things like, “o ipoleletse gore ga otlo etsa sepe vele”, then goes to say how I get it when I want but he can’t and how I’m making  excuses with my hormones (I’m normally horny when I’m either on my periods or in the fertile days). Truth is I love my fiance but I don’t seem to be sexually attracted to him anymore. I’ve tried self-pleasuring a few times but I don’t get far with it and my fiance has a problem with me doing me as he belives that our bodies belong to each other. He seems to be offended by the idea of me self-pleasuring even if he is not there to witness it.

So I went on what I call a dick-spree, to try different men and experience. All I can say is these men are disappointing hle! No foreplay, no dry hump nyana, no seducing me and working at turning me on – nothing, zilch! Even the fingering is painful. The frustrating thing about all this is when you communicate and tell the man what you want and how he should go about it and he doesn’t listen!

I’ve been toying with the thought of having sex with women just to test other methods plus I’ve heard that woman-on-woman sex is mind blowing. I’m only 25 but I’ve already r eached the “sex is boring” stage and this is worrying me.Typing this actually reminds me of when I was a little girl – we would play “mama le papa” (house) with other kids and we actually did have sex even with girls. I have this female cousin who was my regular. As children we even had threesomes. As much as I believe myself to be a sexually liberated woman, I’ve never spoken about this even with the people I played house with, we are all adults and seem to have removed that part from our memories.

I’m now trying to know; why am I having sex and what is its purpose in my life?


Published by: Kagiso Msimango

Cheerleader & Liberator of Women Writer Speaker Mother Lactivist Personal Transformation and Development Coach Author of The Goddess Bootcamp, The Goddess Mojo Bootcamp

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